Revenging Jennieman
by lian kathleen
Summary: A stupid self-insertain, which starts with me complaining about jennieman and ends... far far away. PP.


Revenging Jenn: Death, Destruction and Annoying Little Paper Frogs  
  
Setting: The setting is the a dryciript tomb like place covered with dust and old lined papers, the personal niche if Crimson in the Realm of the Al-Powerful Evil Crazy Phyco Drug-Addict Authors. Crimson her self is there out her hair, screaming. Terrified screams emmit from an old closet along one wall, and thousands apon thousands of ink-less pens lie across the floors and rusted desks. On on of the desks, a crappy, dated laptop lies with a Notepad document open. Packets of discarded Munky Crack lie benieth tables, forgotton.   
  
Authors Note: this evil fic it to get back at jennieman for leaving her self-insertian at a cliff hanger. I am using her person without permission. As well as all other characters. And yes, I have a niche. Don't knck it, I worked ard to earn myself a niche. are thoughts. For the sake of jennies //sensitive// ears, I will bleep out all //bad words//. 'Coz, number one, they hurt people's feelings...  
  
Crimson {screaming} HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! {Stops, ponders.} Whining doesn't work when there's no one here to be annoyed by it. {waves a hand. Filia, Xelloss, Zelgadis and Lina appear, looking confused seeing as they were snatched away for no apparent reason.} HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!  
  
Lina: {Looking annoyed.} How could who do what to you?  
  
Crimson: {Stops whining for a moment, and looks vaughly bored/annoyed.} Hey, you're not supposed to be here. I don't like you...  
  
  
Lina: {making funny growling noises} S'not my fault... I was just minding my own buisnuss and..  
  
Crimson: {Irritated} Whatever, whatever, shut up.  
  
Filia: Who did what to you?   
  
Crimson: {Bursting into tears again.} J-J-Jennie...  
  
Filia: {sypathetically} What did jennie do?  
  
Crimson: {Sobbing some more, and mashing some of the discarded papers into a paste.} Her stupid fanfiction. F-f-first, she uses all these stupid smiley-thingies that take me halfa #$%^*@& hour to figure out... {Pauses a moment, and smiles.} ..as nice as it was to realise that ///- was Zel... {Shakes her head and starts sobbing again} ..a-a-and, s-sh-sh-she keeps using all this Japansiese *#&$ I don't understand. What the #&$^ is a Baka? What the hell kind of word is BAKA!! {Gets really into it, with her arms waving and the whole nine yards.}   
  
Filia: Oh...you poor child..  
  
Crimson: {Angrily, pouting} I'm not a child.  
  
Filia: Xel, Look in that cupboard for some Keenex.  
  
Xelloss: Me? {Points to himself, and then to the screaming closet evily.}  
  
Filia {realizing the danger of sending someone with a repuation like Xelloss' into an Authors cupboard.} No, not you, the other Xelloss. I mean Xel. Zel. Zelgadis!  
  
{Zel walks over the the cupboard. Xelloss begins making intricate little birds and frogs out of discarded papers, while Filia tries in vain to comfort poor Crimson.}  
  
  
Zel: {Upon opening the screaming cupboard.} Oh, my... {Lina and Xelloss gather around to look halfheartedly. Various toture devices, auromatherapy candles, old forks, discarded coffe cups, daggers and costumes of all sorts are strewn across the floor of the large closet, as well as other nearly unrecognisable things, all layered with old used Hilory-brand lined papers. In one corner, a fair sized box is stuffed with the entire cast of Buffy; bound and gagged, several stuffed in upside down so their feet sticking up in the air.} Whoa... {Calmly} You have some very particular problems that you need to deal with in your own way... {grimances} Buffy's bleeding all over everything. It's mildly disgusting.  
  
Lina: {Rasing an eyebrow.}You don't over dramatise anything, do you?  
  
Crimson: {Looking proud.} Yep, I know I have problems.   
  
Lina: Is there a *reason* you have the Buffy cast stuffed in your closet?  
  
Crimson: {Shrugs innocently.} I don't use them anymore. I couldn't think of anywhere else to put them. {Leans towards Lina, covering her mouth as if telling a secret.} To tell you the truth, they're begining to stink.  
  
{Xelloss returns to creating a race of miniature frogs out of paper, and starts piling them all over the desk and making them jump at Filia. Filia turns bright red with anger but ignores him for the time being.}  
  
Filia: ZEL! {Zel is shaken from his examination of the closet by the heart attack Filia just gave him.}{sweetly} Kleenex?  
  
{The second Zel reaches for the box of Kleenex Crimson once again burst out into dramatic sobs.}  
  
Crimson: Where was I? Yea, a-a-and, not only did she use all that japanies &^%*, she had th-the-the {face twist around into an odd shape} //*NERVE*// to leave it at a CLIFFHANGER with Filia about to be attacked by every dark lord I've ever heard of, and some that I haven't, and I wanna know if Xelloss saves her or not! {Grabs the tissue Zel offers and promptly blows her nose noisily on it.}  
  
Xelloss: {Smirking evilly} Well, that's easy! I can just tell you...  
  
Crimson: DON'T DO THAT, YOU ^%$#*&^%# HALF-WIT! IT'LL WRECK THE #&$^#@*& STORY!!  
  
Lina: {quietly to Zel} I think they should raise the rating a bit... this is getting pretty ugly.  
  
Zel: What is the rating? I think the mutilated people in the closet are meant for a mature audience...  
  
Crimson: {Somehow, through twisted Auther Realm Logic, manages to grab Filia's mace from her garter belt and goes after Xelloss with it.}@#$*!@($! {Unfortunatly, she disgustingly underestimates the mace's weight, and ends up dropping it on Lina's legs, who screams. Crimson glances at her, slightly embarassed.} ~.~ Oppsies. Sorry. {renews her attack at Xelloss} You #^$&%8^# !@&$^#*$^! #^$&!*$ it!  
  
Filia: {Ears turning red} Miss Crimson!  
  
Xelloss: {Grinning even more evily and even actually opening up an eye.} Now, you're sure you don't want me to tell you the end, hmmm? Because it would be--  
  
Crimson: {Shoving some papers in her ears} LA DEE DA DEE DAA... I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! {Dances around idiotically.}  
  
Xelloss: -my pleasure. {grins} You're so cute when you're angry....  
  
Filia: Stop being so mean to her, Xelloss!  
  
Xelloss: {Starts popping little oragami frogs at her again} Why are you defending her? If she were in one of her 'moods', you'd be worse off then the people in the closet, my dear. {Aims and fires more of the annoying little frogs.} I wonder what she has in store for you already...  
  
Filia: {Fumes and reaches for her mace, then realizes that Zelgadis is still trying to dislodge it from Lina's legs. Filia leans over and picks it up easily, hlding it over her head like an axe.} Why you...  
  
Xelloss: {Still not letting up with the frogs.} Don't believe me, hmm? Her computer's right there. Why don't you check and see what she's planning to put you through? {Points to the computer and smiles mockingly.} Unlike dear jennieman, Crimson here's not exactly known for her /fluffy optimism/.  
  
{Adudience: **cough*cough** SLUT STORIES! **sniffle**  
  
Filia: {brows knitted, fingers clenched around her mace} I would never snoop through someone elses things...  
  
{Suddeny, Amelia materializes, mouth open to launch into a speech on the injustise of not respecting others privacy.}  
  
Crimson: {Stops her satinic sounding chanting a moment} Oh, no, you are /so/ not doing that. THat is just too #%$^#&# annoying. {Flicks her fingers at Amelia, who evapourates into dust, only to reappear, seconds later, bound and gagged and resting upside down in the closet box.  
  
Xelloss: {Winking at Filia.} See? that could be you. {Looks thougtfull.} But, now, would I save you...? {Weigh's imaginary nothings with his hands.}  
  
Crimson: {Glaring white, black and pink death at Xelloss} Don't you %#^$&$@# DARE say another #%#^@!*& WORD!  
  
Xelloss: Heh, heh. Easily irritated?  
  
Crimson:{Whining.} You're just... evil.  
  
Xelloss: {Proudly} I know. That's what I love about me.  
  
Crimson: Heh heh.. me too.  
  
{Crimson pulls Xelloss away from his army of paper frogs into a kiss as cheesy, low-grade movie romance music plays from somewhere mysteriously. Filia politly adverts her eyes until she realizes what is happening, and visibally darkens several shades of red.}  
  
Zel: What an incredibaly odd turn of events. {Lina looks at him strangely until he hides behind his hair.}  
  
Filia: {Freaking out the way only she can} Xelloss! You, you- you- you... MONSTER! You horrid thing! {Every person in the room raises one visible eyebrow.} How could you take advantage of poor Crimson in her time of sadness?  
  
Xelloss: {Scratching his head and grinning lobsided.} Excuse me, Filia, but SHE kissed ME.  
  
Filia: {Gradually running out of air} B-but, this just isn't right! It seems really... creepy. And for some reason, really, really morbid. {Shivers.}  
  
Crimson: {Mockingly} Jealous? {Runs her tounge over strangly fang-like teeth} Hey, I'm the Author, i can do what I want, #$^%@#$ it.{After three more shades of red, Filia has now moved onto purple-blue colors, until she finally decided to pretend Crimson didn't speak.}  
  
Filia: Jealous, my tail. that evil... I am going to COOK him... grrr..{Continues to simmer, causing several of the paper frogs clinging to her robes to spontainiously combust. Crimson looks mildly amused/impressed. (Meaning trying to keep herself from giggling hysterically and not only make herself look like a looser but also to aviod some unfashonable mace marks.) }  
  
Lina: {Grumbling, and working to get up off of strangly unbroken legs} Grrr. Now I'm going to have that stupid cheesy tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day.  
  
Xelloss: {Cheerfully} Aww, poor, poor Lina Inverse. {Begins happily humming a slightly off key evil song to the tune of the theme song from 'Happy Days.'}  
  
Lina: //NOOOO!!!// {Sobbing} No, no, you wouldn't! {Screeches in pain, trying to cover her ears}  
  
Zel: Xelloss, that was low, even for you. {Xelloss just keeps humming and leering, rocking back and forth on his feet as Lina starts stuffing papers in her ears the same way Crimson was (Xelloss just seems to have that effect on people) and punching her fists into the walls.}  
  
Filia: {Shakes of several paper frogs,and whirls on Crimson, her expression pained.} I-i-it's just... it's wrong! Xelloss is evil. {Nods enthusiastically.} Really, really evil. He kills and maims and tortures people. Lots of people. And he has a realy awful singing voice... {winces at Xelloss' off key humming.} I'm trying to be understanding. It's just, if a nice girl like you really wanted to kiss someone, you should kiss someone like... {surveys the choatic room} ...Zelgadis!  
  
Crimson: {Confused} Since when am I a nice girl?  
  
Zel: {Suddenly bursts into dramatic sobs, falling on the floor cross-legged into the sea of Xelloss' frog army.} It's because I'm BLUE, isn't it?  
  
Xelloss: {Waving his finger in the air and still rocking} Nuh-uh. {voice dripping with mean-spirited sarcasim} I think it's your charming people skills, socailite.  
  
Zel: {Looking up from his vocal brooding} Socailite?  
  
Lina: {Pulling papers out of her ears and staring dumbfoundedly at Zelgadis' pathetic, shaking form} How very out of character...  
  
Crimson: {Still overcoming the confusion of being accused of being 'nice'} What?! LINA INVERSE, WHAT THE #@^$ IS YOUR PROBLEM? {Lina and just about everyone else in the room cowers, except of Xelloss who is totally oblivious, and contentedly begins to collect his frogs and set them up in rows in order of height and size} YOU WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! {Calms down a little bit} I was /trying/ to get Valgarv. {Pouts} But, /noooo/... hes to busy trying to blow up the world with some random Mezoku war-lord. {Snarls} (Random insult goes here)'s got no #$&^#&$ prioreties.   
  
  
Filia: {Thoughtful} But, he can't be doing that. He was just reborn - he's just a baby. {Frowns} And he would certainy never try to blow up the world. Not with a Mezoku, in any case.  
  
Crimson: Piffle. {Smiles.} What a funny word. Piffle. {grins contentedly, then rearanges her face to be board and serious, like all disgustingly evil, powerful and **cough*cough** cool people are supposed to look.} Anyway, piffle. That story line sucked porkupine. {Zelgadis and Lina wince at the colorful imagary.} So I changed it. I'm so sick of all the bad guys turning into good guys at the last minute - s'bad character. Wishy-washy #^$*. So, I changed it. {Shrugs.}  
  
Lina: You can't just go around changing stuff like that! It's not only impractical and immoral, but it's impossible!   
  
Crimson: {Twiddling Thumbs} No, its s'not. {Evil manic grin} I'm the Author. I can do whatever I want.   
  
  
The End  
  
What a crappy ending, huh? I very suddenly ran out of inspirtation. Also bad spelling. Maybe I'll re-write it, but I'm so lazy... This started as a rant at jennieman and ended up a zillion miles from nowhere. You should go read her story, Slayers Picnic, though I'mnot sure it's up yet. Anyway, this is my lame attempt at humor. I couldn't resist with the little paper frogs. Heh heh... 'These are the best days of our lives...'  
  
("Don't make the fans mad."  
"Why not? Noone ever worries about making the characters mad."  
"That's because they don't write fanfiction.")  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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